Disappointment [Feta and Dill Gözleme]

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In line at Shopper’s Drug Mart I saw a little boy having a meltdown because his mother wouldn’t buy him an Aero chocolate bar. He reminded me of just how much easier dealing with disappointment gets as we age.

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For me, disappointment is a tremendous split-second drop from the warm glow of hope to rageful self-hatred. Being a total control freak, I always blame myself for fall-outs and fell-throughs. It is always a matter of reminding myself that there are some things that are beyond my control — forces. Things like other people and the past and other people’s pasts.

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I no longer get disappointed about not getting things like chocolate bars, but rather about success and failure in avenues such as my career and relationships. Although these topics seem heavier than chocolate bars, flops are starting to just roll off of my back. Some still require a good cry, but that’s really quite enough. Again it is all about remembering that there are forces at play that are beyond my control.

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Feta and Dill Gözleme
*adapted from Turquoise by Greg and Lucy Malouf

9 ounces fresh feta
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 shallot, finely diced
1 small clove garlic, finely diced
1/2 cup chopped dill
sea salt
freshly ground white pepper
6 sheets frozen phyllo pastry, thawed
melted unsalted butter

Place phyllo pastry under a clean, slightly damp towel.

Mix the feta, egg, shallot, garlic and dill in a large bowl, then season with salt and white pepper.

On a parchment-lined cutting board, place one sheet of phyllo pastry. Brush liberally with melted butter. Place a second sheet on top and brush with butter. Cut the pastry sheets in half widthwise. Trim each half until they are square, not rectangular. Slice each square diagonally to create a total of four triangles.

Working with one triangle of pastry at a time, smear a generous tbsp of the feta mixture into the middle of the triangle, leaving a border around the edge. Brush a little melted butter on the triangle’s points, then fold in the points to form a small enclosed triangle.

Repeat until all the pastry and filling have been used.

Heat a heavy non-stick frying pan over medium heat. Brush the pastries with a little more melted butter and fry for 2-3 minutes, turning once. Serve hot from the pan.

Makes 12.

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